Having children was like a ‘tick the box’ agenda for me. You know, something you should do once you get married . I was so sure of my life plan that I knew I needed to be ‘done’ with having kids by 30. This would enable me to kick start my career and give me enough time to work out, look good enough to be confused as their ‘older sister’ when they get to their teens..HAHA
I didn’t really understand the weight that came with this miracle of child bearing. It is not as obvious as it may appear to be. Those who have gone through the struggle of trying to have a child understand the pain that comes with this. I wouldn’t know exactly what they feel, but being in a situation where I almost lost my first daughter at birth, I can highly relate.
When we conceived our second daughter, I was overly protective, more cautious and prayed even more for a smooth delivery. I panicked at every kick and how vigorously she seemed to play in my tummy. The journey to parenthood was nothing I anticipated, It completely turned my life around( not to scare anyone ) but the high’s are super high and the lows are just lessons you gain and move right along:)
Having two amazing girls who have complete split personalities and physically different, has taught me some amazing lessons on life.
1. Quality Time
No amount of presents will compensate for your busy work schedule, this I must admit I picked from my folks who seamlessly managed to raise the 6 of us uniquely . We are all so different but they managed to pick what we valued, our individual talents and ensured to nature each one of us to our greatest potential. Therefore in as much as it may be easier to cluster them and do some activities together, I try to create play time for each of them , even if its 10 minutes just to focus on what they individually enjoy.
2. Happy folks, happy kids
By this I mean our mental health. Life takes us through different seasons, some tougher than others . We must therefore be alert enough to know when our stress levels go up. You do not want to transfer the pressure you have onto your kids. Take time out to rejuvenate , go for a walk, set aside some time with your girlfriends or do nothing at all if that’s what makes you happy and enjoy life’s little pleasures . Point, do not forget who you were before the kids.
3. Let go of self limiting behaviors and pursue your curiosity
My biggest setback by far has been the fear monster. Just the other day I realized how much credit I denied myself just because I formed a habit of focusing on what I don’t have, what I have not achieved, Yo! the pressure that came with turning 30 was unreal. But through my daughters, in their own little way, they have convinced me that the best gift I can give myself is to be legitimately me, kind of like be a kid and just go with the flow.
Beginning of the year,I made a resolution to read more, watch less reality shows( don’t even start with your judging) . My first book this year happened to be ‘ The Monk who sold his Ferrari’. Truly that was my turning point. I shifted my thoughts to focus on what I know, grow what I don’t know and to try out something new( hence the blogging:) )
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain –
4. Each day is a new beginning
I love when my youngest daughter, Wema throws a mini tantrum at me, and barely a minute passes, I ask for a kiss, I get one and a hug to top it up. My older daughter, Naima, you upset her in any way, she makes the cutest sad face but trades that for the biggest smile when you toss her up(one of her favourite games).
That’s the attitude I hope to adopt, at least for the most part of my life. Forgive myself quick enough and not dwell on my mistakes . Make the most of each new day and opportunity.
God knows the joy these kids bring me. I am so grateful that I have them in my life, that I got the golden opportunity to carry them in my womb. I may have whined and complained more than I should have, I know now more than ever before to pray harder for those dear ones who desire to carry life in their wombs, those who have but lost them, those who experienced birthing trauma and have no idea what life hold’s. I am grateful for now, this moment that I am a guardian to them on earth, and hope to be for eons to come. It is not a right of passage, It is an honour.
Photo Credits: Brian of Emoji Pikchaz