I can’t remember the last time I took some time out. Before embarking on this self care getaway, I could feel my pressure quickly building up from all efforts of literally trying to hold everything together. Little did I know, I was quickly heading for a nervous breakdown. I have dealt with anxiety before(nothing to be ashamed of), but my biggest tell tale that my mental health is on the verge is when anxiety checks in. There is always a trigger. This time around, it was lack of proper sleep for almost 3 months.
Can you believe half year is already gone?! Time flies by so fast!
Beginning of this year, I purposed to be accountable to each resolution that I had set for 2017. They were not new goals, just some fossil procrastinated dreams that got tucked away for one reason or another. I promised myself that , even if it was just one thing, I would pick it up and do it well!
Just recently, I had a chat with a close friend who was having a hard * insert child’s name *day , In my case it would be ‘Naima’ day. A meltdown of some kind.
She didn’t have to say any more, I knew exactly what that meant. You see, my friends and I have a support group for our differently abled kids . A judgment free zone , a safe heaven for those days you feel like even your best is not in the slightest way enough. When we can’t handle any more bad news from doctor’s appointments amongst other things, we vent and have a bottle or 2 of wine to *numb* our emotions. ( I said no judging)LOL.
Having children was like a ‘tick the box’ agenda for me. You know, something you should do once you get married . I was so sure of my life plan that I knew I needed to be ‘done’ with having kids by 30. This would enable me to kick start my career and give me enough time to work out, look good enough to be confused as their ‘older sister’ when they get to their teens..HAHA
I didn’t really understand the weight that came with this miracle of child bearing. It is not as obvious as it may appear to be. Those who have gone through the struggle of trying to have a child understand the pain that comes with this. I wouldn’t know exactly what they feel, but being in a situation where I almost lost my first daughter at birth, I can highly relate.
Isn’t it amazing how we see in others what we cannot see in ourselves?
The mind is a powerful tool. It can make you believe you are the your own worst enemy, yet if consistently filled with positive thoughts, it can be your most powerful tool.
The true measure of a powerful mind is not by what you know but what you do with what you know..
My family holds monthly ‘merry go round’ meetings where we do amazing potlucks, give status quo of the previous month and un-apologetically howl with laughter through out the day ; A tradition that started even before any of my siblings or I had any kids. Initially we resented the fact that we had to wake up on Sunday morning’s in turn, make breakfast and make it on time for the 9am church service. However as we grew out into our own families, we looked forward to it, especially the sibling teasing. We have a sick sense of humour, which mostly accounted to me growing my somewhat thick skin, thanks dear brothers 🙂